An Apology: An expression of regret; An poor and inadequate example; A justification to something criticized

I didn’t mean for it all to fall apart,
I wanted to be good from the start,

Yet here I am dissolving in this mixture,
Hit by spoon again and again,
As I slowly turn to nothing,
Blending it with I float in,
Part of me wishing to take it with open arms,
The other complaining we added too much powder again.

I’m always too loud.
My shouts of joy interrupt the thoughts,
Of greater minds in tinier rooms,
Who need all they can get in space,
Because they want to go to space,
And I’m intruding on their personal space-

I tend to push it too far.
Smashing the glass instead of placing it down,
I can’t resist a chance to ask final question, the final final question,
The ‘definitely-the-last-one-I-promise’ question.

I break promises.

I always have to have the last word,
Except when I don’t
Then I rewrite the conversation in my brain and memory to ensure I do,
Except when I lay in bed at night,
Forced to review and reflect on my day,
Realizing all the mistakes I’ve made,
Questioning how they went unnoticed for so long.

I watch the hands on the clock spin again and again,
I watch the spoon in the glass spin again and again,
I watch my life remain stuck in it’s rut, again and again,
In a cycle of broken glasses and smashed promises, again and again,
And I’m sorry I forgot to apologize again and again,
Being too harsh again and again,

I forgot to keep myself in check.
I need to be seen but not heard.
I’ll grasp the spoon. Again and again.
And just smack my own hands with it, so you don’t have to.

Stir me up please. Again. And. Again.

I’m sorry I was always such a bother.


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